Colletti clearly hates us. Otherwise he wouldn't blatantly pull shit designed to ruin my life. He's done shit so stupid that I'm actually starting to dislike the Mario Bros merely due to the resemblance. Anyone that makes me question Luigi obviously hates me. Was abortion illegal in the mid-50's???
He's now making statements about wanting to acquire a center fielder. I don't disagree with this, but seriously...WHAT THE FUCK? Last offseason he could've easily signed Lofton to a sensible one-year deal and let Repko gets some time as well. This would've provided a bridge to the deepest CF free agent class in memory. But instead he decided to sign Juan Pierre for 5 years at $9MM/per. Everyone with their head outside their ass knew what to expect from Pierre...leading the league in outs and playing terrible defense. I'm pretty sure his left arm suffers from erectile dysfunction.
And to make matters worse he's actually thinking about moving Pierre to left field. This just in...Andre Ethier is better at baseball than Juan Pierre. Is Ethier supposed to sit on the bench and watch Pierre put up a 700 OPS??? Is he supposed to just kick it with Donny Baseball while runners go 1st to 3rd on clean singles to LF??? I guess he'll just go back to the clubhouse and throw darts at a movie poster for "Fievel Goes West."
Another sweet idea...hey, lets trade Matt Kemp. Then Ethier and Pierre could play. Hey this just in...Matt Kemp is better at baseball than Pierre and Ethier. Do NOT trade this beast.
Here's an idea. DON'T SIGN BAD PLAYERS TO LONG-TERM CONTRACTS. Also, don't sign them the year before an insane free agent class at the position. Maybe if everyone says it's a dumb idea it really is. Everyone knew signing Pierre was a bad idea. Everyone knew that he'd hit around .300, have a terrible OBP/OPS, and play terrible D. Guess what...that's exactly what he did. And now you want a new CF. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK HE WAS GOING TO DO??? Colletti has all the competency of FEMA.
Here's what you do Colletti you dumb piece of shit. Read carefully you dego whore...
1. Trade Pierre/Furcal to ChiSox for Garland (even if it means paying half of Pierre's contract)
2. Sign Arod to play SS (whatever it takes 8/$275MM)
3. Do NOTHING else (unless it's re-acquiring Betemit for Nomar)
Lineup
1. Martin -- C
2. Kemp -- CF
3. Arod -- SS
4. Kent -- 2B
5. Loney -- 1B
6. Laroche/Nomar -- 3B
7. Ethier -- LF
8. Young -- RF
Rotation
1. Penny
2. Lowe
3. Bills
4. Garland
5. Schmidt
6. Loaiza
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3 comments:
If that dumb wop even thinks about trading Matt Kemp I will hold him down and make him drink anti-freeze until he passes out. Then I will stand up and urinate on him shouting, "house on fire, house on fire, put it out." Newsflash to folks who have never seen this gazelle play: HE IS AWESOME AT BASEBALL!
The only good thing about Fivel playing in left is that he would be closer to the pavillion, allowing me to throw heavy objects at him on a daily basis. Also, since I have a stronger arm than that rodent he probably couldn't throw any of the shit back at me.
Coletti is to baseball GM's what Nancy B is to sound.
Your recommendations are right on. My only hope is that the White Sox are just dumb enough to bite on that deal. Got to figure there is a shot since their GM's only qualification is doing Colt .45 commercials and playing Lando Calrisian in Empire Strikes Back. Also, I saw their manager the other day and he was waiting in a car outside my house playing banda music on the radio and waiting to drive my maid back home when she finished cleaning the crib.
You just DID WORK
Thank you sir. It is always nice to hear from the fans.
I just hope Reed doesn't see this and worry that I am going to have a violent and abusive homelife as a result of my mysogynistic attitude toward women like Ned Coletti and that wrinkled hag Nancy B.
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