Beware all Arlington area strippers!!! Milton Bradley, our favorite perpetrator of domestic violence, has apparently signed a one year deal with the Texas Rangers for $5MM. I'm glad that the bottle throwing lunatic is out of the NL West. Don't get me wrong, I love Milton Bradley. He's probably one of my top 5 favorite players...all time (others include Griffey, Kemp, Teddy Ballgame, Gibson). I just don't wanna see that guy playing against the Dodgers because, when healthy in mind and body, he's very good and I really like rooting for him. He was clearly the Padres best player last season when he was in the lineup.
In that ballpark he could really do well. He should be back in CF where he belongs. If he can put together a full healthy season in Arlington (140+ games) I don't think the following line is unreasonable...315/25/110.
Here's the Top 7 reasons I love Milton Bradley:
1. The double shoulder brush a la Jay-Z after HRs
2. Refusing to warm-up between innings in PHI...rather just stood in LF facing the crowd in a motionless defiant stare contest w/ the Phillie faithful. Then hitting a collosal 3-run bomb to win the game (2007)
3. Might go ape-shit at any moment (2000-2007)
4. Undoes his batting gloves before leaving the batter's box on majestic jacks (2004, 2007)
5. HR robbed against SD and ran nearly back to the dugout before pulling ball out of glove (2004)
6. He is clutch
7. He doesn't give a fuck
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7 comments:
Just mentioned his signing in a comment to the prior post. Milton Bradley rules and fuck Jeff Kent for bitching about every black guy who he's ever played with, causing our dumbass management to trade this awesome ball player.
I also like that he don't take no mess from his hos.
I saw your comment and realized that this post was definitely necessary
Number 8 reason: This guy loved the stage. Back when he patrolled center for us I used to get him all fired up by yelling at him. He would then point at me, probably make fun of my skin color under his breath (part of his not giving a fuck), and then make a sick defensive play. I also take full credit for at least 7 jacks he hit in 2004 as a part of this.
Number 9 reason: 17-inch penis. I can verify.
I also think the Jay-Z brush off thing deserves to be mentioned twice. That shit is AWESOME! I do the exact same move every time I finish drafting a motion to bifurcate trial. JIGGA!
Speaking of Arlington area titty bars, I would like to recommend The Fantasy Ranch to our readers. A place where you can definitely do dirty things to dirty women.
If you're closer to Big D I would go with Baby Dolls (a classic) or for a more upscale experience, The Lodge (this place is off the charts nice by strip club standards).
Stay classy Purple Stuff
I gotta have something to do while the high school girls are stuck in class right?
Of course none of those Metroplex landmarks can hold a candle to Sugars down in Austin, TX...or as I call it, HEAVEN!
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