Mr. Falcon's 2009 Plan (pt. 7 -- Backup Catcher)

There have been some rumblings that Russell Martin's ego has become a problem in the clubhouse. However, these things are often overblown by local writers. He has made the NL all-star team for 2 consecutive season, but doesn't seem like the primadonna type. Regardless, we need a decent backup catcher to give Martin a rest. I'm pretty sure he's caught more games than any catcher in the NL over the last 2 years.

Last year we picked up Gary Bennett. Sadly, the part of his brain that controlled throwing had been destroyed by the steroid and semen cocktails he'd been feasting on for years. We then moved to Danny Ardoin whose career line reads .207/.296/.307. That's not a typo...he actually has slugged .307 over his career. Pierre has a career slugging percentage of .371.

I recommend picking up Javier Valentine who played with the Reds for the last few years. He's a fatass so we need to act quickly before Billy Beane knows he's available (see Stairs, Giambi Bros, etc...). Valentine is a switch-hitter both in baseball and his personal life. Therefore, he becomes an additional bat off the bench. Also, his .342 OBP versus right-handed pitching last year could earn Martin plenty of days off against righties. In 2007 Martin OPS'd over 1.060 against lefties. Russ should never miss a day against lefties and let Valentine gets about 40 starts against righties. Valentine made $1.25 MM last year, so he can be gotten on the cheap. Let's make this happen and keep Russell fresh.

Recommendation: Sign Javier Valentine

Prediction: Sign some douche that gets 12 starts because he slugs .307