Rumors Galore

Just thought I would update everybody on what little seems to be going on at Dodger headquarters on the Hot Stove front. Apparently we talked about dealing Andruw Jones to the Mets but that fell through almost immediately. I don't see any reason to deal him since we'll have to pay his salary anyway (Why risk him returning to form, however unlikely that is, while we are still fitting the bill?). Juan Pierre wants to be trade unless he's a starter (not unless 3 or 4 other outfielders die, Juan) but, surprise surprise, nobody wants him. This despite the many dumbass Beaners I have to listen to telling me Juan Pierre is a "superstar." Ned still says that Manny is our first choice but he is considering Abreu and Dunn, just in case. Boras needs to stop being a douche and the two sides just need to get the deal done. Manny is rad and we all want him back, if only to prevent Br!an from losing his mind if/when Dunn becomes a Dodger. I'm pretty sure he would be promptly fired for wearing his Dunn medium-replica jersey to the office everyday, at which point his only joy in life will be to get moist every time that giant gorilla steps to the plate (although I think it would be sweet just to watch Dunn smack balls into Mr. Falcon's backyard during batting practice every day).

That's all I got. I hear we're looking at Randy Wolf or Jon Garland to fill out the rotation but this isn't exciting enough to comment on. Now I'll just go back to preparing for the World Baseball Classic and the beatdown that my native Puerto Rico is about to put on the world. Boricua for life, son!