According to Buster Olney, the Dodgers are making a "heavy play" for Aaron "Broken Face" Rowand. I know the first question you are asking is: why would the Dodgers want a mediocre hitting and above-average, though not spectacular, defender? Do we want to show the Angels that they haven't cornered the market on Gary Matthews Jr.-esque players? No, the Dodgers are interested in Rowand because they want to add a "good character guy" to the clubhouse.
Apart from postseason experience, nothing is more overvalued in sports than good character. The love of good character is the reason Darin Erstad is going to play professional baseball next season rather than brush up on his punting in his backyard. And, I presume, it's the reason that 30% of ESPN voters would prefer to have David Eckstein over Alex Rodriguez. Maybe this is just me being foolish, but I don't really care if the players on my team are good guys are not, my primary concern is whether they can play baseball well. To make this a little more clear: if he continues on his current trajectory, Matt Kemp can come over once a week to shit on my bed and fuck my mom. At least I would have a chance at gaining a super-talented, mulatto brother whose athletic coattails I could ride to vicarious fame and fortune and a big future TV on which I could play Guitar Hero 47, or whatever other videogame is popular at the time.
Anyway, fuck Aaron Rowand and his broken face. And on the possibility that Rowand is actually signed, I nominate that we nickname the Pierre-Rowand portion of the outfield Fugees and Funyuns.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Couldn't have said it any better.
Anyone who says they'd rather have Eckstein than A-Rod should be shot in the face. Are these people joking? A-Rod is better at every single aspect of the game (by a wide margin) than Eckstein yet these douches would rather have that gland case playing short for their team?
This obsession with scrappy character guys is really just code for white dudes without talent. I think it makes these losers feel like they too would have a shot in the show so they pull for the underdog no talent clown who runs to first base like a jackass whenever he draws a walk. Hey dickhead, they call it a walk for a reason!
I'm pretty sure this is some sort of cross-promotional campaign. I have a source that indicates the Dodgers are working with DreamWorks to package Jeff Kent and Aaron Rowand in "Brokeback Mountain 2 -- The BIG Leagues." Principle filming begins on Kent's ranch next week.
In the "Fugees and Funjions" I think Pierre should be the Fugees because he is black. I think Rowand should be Funjions because he makes Kent's breath smell like rank jizz.
You smell a lot of rank jizz do ya Mr. Falcon?
I can't forget the pungent aroma of Tyler Sampson
Juan Pierre is to black people what Steve Urkel is to black people.
Dooderonomy-
It's spelled "funyuns." I googled that shit, perhaps you should do the same. We are never going to make it as a respectable blog if we are not properly researching our material.
Post a Comment