Feliz Navidad Bitches!

As we here at TQ...ViG celebrate the birth of our lord and savior Jesus Christ (well everybody but Br!an, he only gets to half celebrate it), I would like to take this opportunity to hand out some last-minute holiday gifts during this extremely slow period for baseball news.

-To Mr. Falcon, I grant a permanent easement over my grandpa's couch for the sole purpose of hooking up with Latin hotties and/or questionable bar skanks. Since our readership is so extensive, I'm also pretty sure this post serves as constructive notice to others so no need to record that shit.
-To Br!an, I give my steely resolve to hit on virtually every girl I meet (so that he can use it to hit on one in particular). If that doesn't work, next year Mr. Falcon can give you his willingness to "just let her fall asleep and then stick it in."
-To Beasy Bee, I give my Bowflex. It isn't like he needs it or wants it but frankly that thing is bulky as shit and I never fucking use it. Can't believe I got suckered in by that commercial.
-To Ned Coletti, I give this website and its constant information/advice. TQ...ViG will tell you exactly how to do your job so just listen up and nobody will get hurt.
-To Frank McCourt, I give nothing. That dude is rich as fuck so I ain't giving him presents. I may be able to recommend a divorce lawyer though because that wife of his seems like a total bitch.
-To Paul LoDuca, I give a bottle of tetrahydrogestrinone and a side order of Dianabol. It isn't like he was that good on the shit (and the Nationals will suck either way) so why not let the little bastard enjoy his last year or two in the league before his scrotum implodes from steroid use.
-To Matt Kemp, I give nothing. He is the man and he can just take whatever he wants without my involvement. Hell, in a few years we may be celebrating his birthday instead of this other guy they are making all the fuss about today.

Merry Christmas everybody!