Cause For Concern?

So we're now about two and a half weeks into spring training and things have pretty much been going as expected. The young guys we expect to mash have been tearing shit up, pitching has been pretty solid, and Juan Pierre remains HIV positive despite his struggles at the plate (he's rocking a sweet .529 OPS as I type this). The injuries to Nomar and Laroche are irritating but luckily it looks like neither of these guys will miss too much regular season time.

So why am I worried? Well the Big Blue traveling circus just arrived in Beijing for a couple of exhibition games with the Padres, to be played in front of thousands of pajama wearing commies. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all in favor of bringing the gift of civilization to the dark-skinned peoples of the world. These Changers should certainly be allowed to enjoy Sunday Night Baseball (not sure if Joe Morgan's stupidity translates into Mandarin though) instead of having to spend their evenings playing chinese checkers, smoking cheap cigarettes, and practicing kung fu on each other.

I am concerned because one Matthew Kemp is on the traveling roster for these games. I am pretty sure that once the Chinese people see a couple of the majestic bombs this guy hits, he will immediately be named Emperor. Since that is probably a full-time job, Mr. Kemp will be too busy ruling with an iron fist to come back and terrorize the NL on behalf of the Dodgers. Here's hoping all the slanty-eyed, Red bastards in the stands take a lesson from those Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark and avert their eyes when Matt is at the dish. That way we can keep him in Dodger blue for at least another year and the spectators will not have their faces melted by his brilliance.