Squa-douchebag

Temporary LA Times sports collumnist and professional bleached butthole model, Bill Plashke, has done it again. Yes indeed...this cum-guzzling fagbot loves Juan Pierre.

Plashke is to sportswriting what Purple Stuff is to sportswriting.

This guy writes like Charlie Munger talks.

I often feel like he's trying to reach off the page and brush my teeth with his dick. This fool hates me so much that I'm considering hiding in my attic and writing a diary to chronicle my fear and paranoia. I must write these memoirs so the aliens that come upon our ravaged, life-less Earth will have their over-privileged suburban teenage daughters read this and know just how terrible it was in Plashke-Germany.

BTW...due to his one-word paragraph stylings, this critique is probably already longer than his article. However, here were the lowlights:

(1) "Contrary to the winter hopes of many Dodgers fans, Torre's lineups have indicated that Pierre will be the starting left fielder ahead of Andre Ethier. It makes sense."

Little known fact: it makes sense to put your left nut in a vice and crush it while watching Scary Movie 17 and listening to an ugly girl talk about her cats.

(2) Without a rangy shortstop, Pierre was playing a center field that was twice as big.

Little know fact: Part of Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity stated that an un-rangy shortstop actually un-bends space-time making areas just behind said un-rangy person larger by a factor of 2.

(3) Without a productive No. 2 hitter, Pierre was a sports car stuck on a pot-holed road.

Little known fact: A productive 2-hole hitter can actually move up a runner from the bench (where you go after you ground out) to 3rd.

(4) The truth is, the idea of Juan Pierre was a good one, and still is.

Little known fact: I can't do this anymore...[sound of hammer being pulled back followed by gunshot and finally silence]