Thursday, December 6, 2007
And Now For Something Exactly The Same
Here is the official hot-stove/rumor-mill discussion thread for the Sixth day of December in the year of our Lord Two Thousand Seven. So far reports that we discussed a Kemp/Ethier for Sheets/Bill Hall trade have been debunked (turns out Coletti may not be a retard after all), the Tigers may ship Dontrelle and Pudge to the Mets, and Baltimore has turned down a deal for Bedard from Philadelphia including Kyle Kendrick, two no-name prospects, and future Hall of Famer Shane Victorino (McPhail and Angelos must be completely MENTAL!).
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Alright people. Now that we have Jones, it's time to hear about all the ways we can peace out Juan Pierre. Here's a few that I've developed or heard...
Developed:
1. Pierre for Padilla (give TEX $$$ for the 2 extra years on Pierre's deal)
2. Pierre/Laroche/Kershaw for Hanley Ramirez (FLA loves him)
3. Pierre/Meloan for Capuano (not sure what the $$$ situation is)
Heard:
1. Pierre/Laroche for Rolen (NO $$$) I actually sorta like this idea.
I think we should wrap him in a warm blanket, put him in a basket, and leave him on the front doorstep of a local convent. Then the firm yet loving nuns can give him the caring and nuturing support that the Dodgers are unable to provide.
I say we take him to Jeff Kent's house, put him in a paper bag on the front porch, then light it on fire and run away.
Not only does Pierre die, but Kent gets Juan Pierre juice all over his snakeskin boots trying to stomp out the blaze. Kent will be pissed, because he likes to use other shoes when stomping out black people.
Extreme!
I would advocate luring Pierre to the Farmer John production facility. Then when he is distracted by the shiny metal objects all around him, one of us shoves him into the meat grinder. Then we take the resulting Dodger dogs, grill them up at the concession stand, and serve them to McCourt and Coletti. Then we tell them they just ate Juan Pierre and we will be able to guilt/blackmail them, not only into helping us cover up Pierre's disappearance, but also into doing exactly what we say when it comes to running the Dodgers organization. Not a bad outcome all around.
I know we discussed this on the phone, but it's still unclear to me how our murdering and desecrating the corpse of Juan Pierre is going to get us into Dodger management. I get that we trick them into eating the body, but where exactly is the blackmail here? We are the ones who did everything wrong, while management was simply tricked.
To clarify, I do not think this is a bad strategy for dealing with Pierre, though I prefer Falcon's scenario, it's just not clear to me how this will result in us running the team.
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