TQ...ViG whipping boy Ken Gurnick has returned with yet another mailbag full of epic dumbassery. Paul N. from Thousand Oaks (that's right we name names on this site) asks what the Dodgers will do since they have four outfielders who "deserve" to start in addition to promising young players in Young and Repko. First off let me reiterate for the final time, JUAN PIERRE DOES NOT FUCKING DESERVE TO START!!! He has flesh-eating AIDS! The only thing that he "deserves" is a swift kick in the dick and perhaps a bus ticket to take him past the LA county line.
That being said, Gurnick's response is even more infuriating. I particularly love his smart ass comment: As soon as you trade Pierre and Jones gets hurt, then what?
Well Ken, I'll tell you. You put that chocolate gazelle Matt Kemp in center and let Delwyn Young make his bones in the big leagues. What is up with this Pierre love-fest? He is the worst defensive center fielder in baseball. Pretty sure Kemp can't be any worse if forced into action at CF. Pierre can't hit the ball. Period. By contrast, Kemp mashes the pelota like he caught it banging one of his hos. He doesn't even care about the fact that it banged her (since he ain't got no love for them hos) but he still has to exact swift and terrible vengeance for even the slightest act of disrespect because that is just how Matt Kemp roles. Straight gangster.
Fuck Ken Gurnick. Fuck Juan Pierre. Matt Kemp rules. God bless America!
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The 3rd paragraph of this post is Purple Stuff's finest hour here at TQ...ViG. It looks like he might finally be getting a handle on this blogging thing.
Also, for all those Purple Stuff haters out there (i.e. Scalper and likely 85% of our readers) just keep in mind that this is the slow season and the guy is barely hanging on by a thread. And who knows...he might not make the TQ...ViG opening day roster.
I also have strong favorables in the all-important 35-50 year old female demographic.
On a more serious note, just heard that Wilbon just had a pretty bad heart attack. Thoughts and prayers from all of us at TQ...ViG for one of the few sports writers who occasionally knows what he is talking about.
It's OK Purple Stuff it looks like "YA BOY" Wilbon only suffered a very minor heart attack and will be just fine.
After Colletti, there's nobody whose job I want more...so maybe a major would've moved me up the line.
Everybody, please welcome Johan Santana to the New York Metropolitans.
(championship!)
Wilbon-1, Grim Reaper-Squadouche!
Congrats Scalper!!! Assuming the negotiations proceed well (which shouldn't be an issue) the Mets scored big. They got the best pitcher in the game and didn't give up any MLB-ready talent. The Mets are built to win NOW...so I think this is a great move.
I'm really glad the Dodgers didn't get involved in this nonsense though. We would've been required to give much more (i.e. Kemp/Bills/Loney/Etc).
Thanks dude. We'll see you in the NLCS. Orel Hershiser is NOT invited.
I would just like to say:
PAU GASOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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