Though It Doesn't Beat Charlize Theron Holding a Bottle of Viagra

Spring Training kind of pisses me off. Those feelings of "Thank God I get to see Rudy Seanez again!" coupled with "Please, Jesus, don't get hurt, [anyone who is good]." kind of make me wish that the whole thing didn't exist. Part of me wants to follow every game closely while the other part wants to pretend like baseball doesn't start in any capacity until April. Then again what with our Arizona excursion on the horizon, I feel an overriding necessity to stay up to date.

Being the type of fans that follow every game, trade, and rumor closely, us here at TQ...ViG are more than capable of commenting on any action that takes place in regards to our Dodgers during the season. Then again, I personally don't feel the same way at all during Spring Training. Yeah, I get the news on how certain people are looking, check the box scores a couple times a week, perhaps watch a game here and there, and even make a point to hear about Repko's latest injury.

Then again, I'm not the type of triple-douche that calls people up when their team loses in the ninth on a blooper by the Reds' A-ball second baseman. To steal some thunder from J, one of his loser Gayngel fan friends called him last night laughing insisting that the Dodgers had lost their game (probably since the only highlight on ESPN was the Kemp baserunning error). This sort of Habe-ish behavior is probably why I have the attitude toward Spring Training I do. Talking shit in Spring Training is like bragging about who got pubes first. Then again, perhaps I just don't like waiting for things.

I missed the beginning of the game on ESPN (thank you God for DVR, and J for being on your shit) as I had a Fantasy Baseball Draft. Since Yahoo allows you four teams and I can't take waiting for the season to begin, I thought I'd distract myself (and now you). Thus, here is the first of my Dodger-heavy fantasy baseball teams (I promise to not devote an entire post to each one of them in the future, cut me some slack, I'm not going out tonight until 10.):

C-J.R. Towles-Before you judge, ask yourself what catcher is not gay.

1B-James Loney-God, I'm smart.

2B-Orlando Hudson-Now Br!an likes my team.

SS-Hanley Ramirez-Simply because I want him inside me.

3B-Garrett Atkins-More than one ridiculously good looking person can come from Orange, CA.

Util-Michael Young-Not much pop, but he did go to UCSB, which means he fucked a lot. Hi-five, Br!an.

OF-Matt Kemp-Because 27 is my lucky number.

OF-Josh Hamilton-Beasy Bee plays ball with two center fielders.

OF-Lance Berkman-And two first basemen.

BN-Josh Willingham-Florida wants you to think that they know something you don't.

BN-Justin Upton-The weak link. Future trade bait, though he'll probably fuck me.

SP-Erik Bedard-See Hanley Ramirez

SP-C.C. Sabathia-I wish that I was giant and black. Wait, no I don't.

SP-Fausto Carmona-Should I have gone with Jeremy Sowers?

SP-James Shields-I heard that he also wrecks faces for a living in the offseason.

SP-Chad Billingsley-CHAM

SP-Derek Lowe-PI

RP-Takashi Saito-ON

RP-Jonathan Broxton-SHIP!

RP-Pat Neshek-He's so silly.

RP-Joakim Soria-No team is complete without a Royal.

Kuroda is still available, perhaps I should trade for Penny and Schmidt and be done with it. I play fantasy sports to have a team of people I like and want to masturbate to. So I don't care if I finish last in the league, I want to make out with my first fantasy baseball team of the season, then see if it'll wear overalls when we go to the movies.